


Michael Mell, Be More Chill

by Talking_Walking_Trashbag



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Michael Has a Squip, Boyf riends is the main ship, Different Squip, I don't even watch Riverdale, I just have a crush on Camila Mendes, I'm still trying to get used to writing bmc characters, It's 2am plz don't yell at me, Jeremy is oblivious, M/M, Probably very OOC, don't you love it when i make michael suffer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2018-11-08 20:15:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11089113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talking_Walking_Trashbag/pseuds/Talking_Walking_Trashbag
Summary: I haven't seen too many "Michael has a squip" stories so, here is a whole story





	1. It's Not Cool, It's Chill

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter Summary: Okay, what the fuck! I am not about to come out to my best friend between Cinnabon and Victoria Secret  
> Author's Notes: I hope y'all honestly enjoy this. This will be kinda slow because I started writing and didn't really care about the logistics. I started all snuggly with my pajamas on. Now I'm in a 1950s gown with only one heel on. What does writing do to my brain?

“Ow! Shit!” I scream, my head snapping down.

_ Target Male: Inaccessible _

“Michael?” Jeremy asks, softly putting a hand on my back.

_ Calibration in process. Please excuse some mild discomfort. _

“Mild!?” I shriek.

“Are you okay?” Jeremy asks.

“The freak’s boyfriend is freaking out!” Jake taunts. 

_ Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated.  _

“Yeah, I’m fine now.” I remove my headphones from their comfy spot around his neck in order to give me some breathing room. 

_ Discomfort level may increase. _

“ARGHH” I scream, dropping to his knees. 

“I’ll go get someone,” Jeremy announces, running away.

_ Accessing: neural memory. Accessing: muscle memory. Access procedure: complete. Michael Mell… _

“ _ Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor.... Your SQUIP.”  _ A twenty-something woman said. She was dressed up in a navy blue dress with green accents here and there. 

“You look like Camila Mendes.” was the only thing I could let escape from his mouth.

“ _ That is my default mode. You can set me for:  _ **_Cole Sprouse,_ ** _ Jane Krakowski, or Sexy Anime Male.” _

“I guess Mendes is fine. Can anyone else see you?”

“ _ I exist only in your mind. All they see is you, having an animated conversation, with yourself. So don’t do that. Just think at me. Like you’re telepathic.” _

“You mean like in X-men?” I asked out loud. With a sigh and a face palm, the SQUIP responded, 

“ _ Keep this in your mind!” _ A sigh once more, “ _ This is obviously going to be extremely difficult. You need to be more chill. _ ”

“ _ You mean cool? _ ” I asked, finally complying.

_ “I do not. You see, human social activity is governed by rules and I have the processing capacity to understand those rules. And pass them on to you.”  _

_ “Roll up your left sleeve. Ruffle up your hair. Jesus, you look like a member of My Chemical Romance.”  _ The SQUIP demands. I comply

_ “Nostalgia is not cute, to be honest, it’s more pathetic than anything _ .” she continues. 

“ _ What you do to your right arm is unnecessary and gross. _ ”. Jesus, she was good at insults. I try to roll down my sleeve.

“ _ No _ .” she says plainly. 

“ _ But- _ ”

“ _ No. _ ”

“ _ Wha-” _

“ _ No! _ ” 

“ _ Ugh _ ”. It had only been a couple minutes and the SQUIP was already annoying. 

“Everything about you is just terrible,” she mutters, flicking my hair. It didn’t move and her hand just phased through it. 

“I’m a computer and I want to die.” she groans, taking a step back and looking over my outfit. Jeremy is back with a water bottle.

“Michael! Are you better?” He asked, panting with every word.

“Yeah, I think,” I reply, scrunching up my nose. He hands me the bottle.

_ “Accept water, put your hand on his shoulder, and come out.”  _ The SQUIP demands. 

“ _ Okay, what the fuck! I am not about to come out to my best friend between Cinnabon and Victoria Secret because a computer tells me- _ ” I’m silenced by a light shock to the back. It takes all the effort in the world not to flinch. I take the bottle from Jeremy’s hand and put my hand on his shoulder.

“Listen, I need to tell you something.” I take a seat at the table next to us.    
“So, what’s up?” Jeremy asks nervously. 

“I’m a homosexual,” I say. Wait, did that seem like a joke. Jeremy chuckles. 

“ _ Touch his hand, seem more genuine.”  _ The SQUIP suggests even though I know it’s not much of a suggestion. I move forward so my hand falls on top of Jeremy’s

“I swear I’m not joking. I-I just thought I would tell you.”. Just as I was about to round up some fake tears the SQUIP tells me to “ _ Hamlet, be more chill. _ ” He turns his hand over so that we are holding hands. 

“Michael, I am happy that you told me. You’re still my best friend, no matter what.”. He smiles that warm smile that could melt the sun.

“ _ Listen here Michael, Rich Goranski will ask to meet you in the bathroom. It is imperative you accept.”  _


	2. Everything About Michael Mell Is Terrible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now Richard is-” she begins again.  
> “Well, I have to get back to my girlfriend. See you around.” As he left the bathroom he touched my arm. No, scratch that, he caressed my goddamn arm. It felt like he was about to fucking make out with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plz don't attack me for the chapter title. I love Michael, he is my son. Again, most likely ooc

“ _ Listen here Michael, Rich Gornaski will ask you to meet him the bathroom. It is imperative you accept.”  _

Almost as if on queue, Rich strolls over to our to table.  The girl clinging onto his arm earlier has left to walk into some random store. Jeremy retracts his hand immediately. I bite my bottom lip. I mean, I knew that Rich would call us gay almost every day and that did make Jeremy uncomfortable (to say the least) but, that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

“Hey tall-ass, I need to steal your boyfriend. Meet me in the bathroom”. Wow Rich, how eloquent. He walks away and towards the bathroom. My head snapped from Rich to Jeremy. Jeremy gave me that “ _ I think if you don’t go you might get your ass beat _ ” kind of look.

“Uh, I think-” I say lifting myself from the table.

“Michael, I bet you’ll get your neck snapped if you don’t go.” He gives his $100 dollar smile. Somehow I keep myself from melting all over again.

“Y-yeah, I’ll get going.” I smile back and make my way over to the bathroom.

“ _ Anything you want to tell me before I die?”  _ I ask the SQUIP. She rolls her eyes. I open the boys’ bathroom door. Rich was sitting on top of a sink.

“So, did it work?” he asks, crossing his arms across his chest. It takes me a second to realize what he’s talking about. 

“Yeah, actually,” I mutter.  _ Is this really what he called me over for? _

“ _ Well, I’ve been speaking to his Squip and-”  _ The SQUIP begins to explain.

_ “Wait! You can talk to other fucking SQUIPS?”  _ I interrupt.

_ “Now Richard is-”  _ she begins again.

“Well, I have to get back to my girlfriend. See you around.” As he left the bathroom he touched my arm. No, scratch that, he  _ caressed  _ my goddamn arm. It felt like he was about to fucking make out with me.

“ _ As I was saying.”  _ The SQUIP cleared her throat even though she didn’t need to. “ _ Rich will proceed to pursue a romantic relationship with you.” _

_ “But, how? He is unnecessarily hetero.”.  _ Listen, it’s true.

_ “Well, since all SQUIPs are connected, we can communicate with each other. I got his SQUIP to take it down a notch.”  _ Still a bit hazy on the whole, ‘SQUIPs are all connected’ thing, I ask,

_ “Well, did he have to hide the fact that he was gay at first?” _

_ “He’s not homosexual, he’s- you know what, that it unimportant information. See, Richard was extremely unpopular, as his SQUIP said ‘It’s’ utterly useless.’. His SQUIP doubted that Richard announcing he was gay was going to help him towards his goal.”  _ Makes a bit more sense but, Christ, am I tired, of this and the SQUIP.

_ “You know what, this,”  _ I gesture wildly with his hands. “ _ Is all too much. I’m going to find Jeremy and we are going to 7-11.”  _

_ “You’re already putting on so much weight, are you seriously going to add more?”  _ she groaned. Now, that was something that hit a little too close to home. Especially after the whole thing that happened last year. 

_ “I-I am no-”   _

_ “Listen, Michael, if this is going to work you don’t just listen. You have to obey. Now, repeat after me.”  _

_ “Everything about you is so terrible.”.  _ I shuffle up to one of the sinks and looks into the mirror.

“Everything about me is so terrible.” Half of me is trying to ignore the words while the other half is agreeing. 

“ _ Everything about you makes me want to die.” _

“Everything about me makes me want to die.” One single loose tear runs down my cheek.

“ _ Good. If you were to listen to me, you’ll be cool and powerful. Then, Jeremy will finally love you _ .” The SQUIP explains in a motherly tone. I smile into the mirror and wipe my face with my sleeve.

“O-Okay.” I stutter out. She smiles and puts her hands on my shoulders. 

“ _ You’re gonna be great, kid _ .”. She starts to remind me of a mom I’ve always wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry you had to read that. Thanks for such a positive reaction to the first chapter!  
> Next Chapter: wHy use chairs when there are perfectly fine laps!?!? -SQUIP


	3. The Person Jeremy's Kinda Into

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “ahHHHHHHH.” I screech.  
> “Really! You two would make a great couple!” I say, pain engulfing me on the inside  
> “AHHHHHHHHHHHH”  
> “Ask her out dude, I bet she’ll like you!”  
> “FUCK MY LIFE!” Honestly, at this point, I was pretty much dead on the inside.  
> “Thanks, dude, you’re a great friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lap-sitting chapter yay! Sorry for the really long wait. Kinda had a panic attack out of nowhere and my friends (who are really protective) forbade me from the internet for a while.

_ ~The Next Day ~ _

“ _ Isn’t this better? _ ” The SQUIP asked, looking into the mirror with me. Oh, my…  _ This  _ is most certainly not me. A tank-top? Jeans? Those follower-ass Adidas shoes that every girl on Musical.ly has? 

“ _ No, in fact, it is not.”  _ I snap. Jesus, I look like as if I was a girl who says “Day 10 of my Instagram streak!” then promptly decides to use about five hundred emojis.

“ _ I am not leaving like this.” _ I move to take off my shoes and redress but, I feel a shock and immediately stand up straight.

“ _ Michael, what did we say. Obey,”  _ she demanded. I bite my bottom lip and look into the mirror again. 

“ _ I suppose it doesn’t look so bad-” _

_ “That’s the spirit! Remember, this isn’t for you, this is for Jeremy.”  _ She smiles. It gives me validation of sorts. 

“ _ Can I at least take my sweater?”  _

_ “No.” _ _   
_ _ “Pleeease.”  _ The Squip rolls her eyes. 

“ _ Fine but, you can only use it to tie around your waist.”  _ She reasons. I walk over to the chair that’s in front of my desk. I take my sweater and put it around my waist. 

“ _ Hmmm.”  _ She looks me over for about the twelfth time in the morning. 

_ “What?”  _ I groan. I swear to god if she makes me change again I will find a way to stab a computer- _   
_ _ “Put the sweater on, I have a plan.”  _ She reasons, pacing around the small circle she’s made for herself.

_ “Hey! Aren’t you supposed to be helping me? Why do you have so many secret plans?” _

_ “Just shut up and put the sweater on.”  _ Then, she disappears, back into my mind. I slip on the sweater and am greeted by the best, most soft feeling in the world. I smile at the new rainbow flag adorned on the right sleeve. I run out of my room and down the stairs. I shout a quick “Goodbye!” to my parents and run out of the house. There’s Jeremy, sitting on the small bench that’s resting on the porch.

“Oh, Jeremy! Hi!” I let out. I cringe on the inside and the SQUIP reappears.

“Hey, Michael! Sorry for sneaking up on you like this, I just wanted to walk with you.” He explained, his hands resting in his pockets.

“N-no that’s fine!” I stutter out, almost tripping without even moving. I push back my glasses as we stand on my porch for a good minute.

“ _ ‘Jeremy, We should probably get a move on. After all, the sooner we go the sooner we leave!’”  _ The SQUIP supplies.

“Jeremy, We should probably get a move on. After all, the sooner we go the sooner we leave!” I repeat, putting my hands in my sweaters pockets. Jeremy nods and starts to go down the steps. The SQUIP makes a “Get a move on” gesture with her hands. I slightly nod and rush down the stairs.

“Michael, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” He mutters, wringing his hands.

“So, there is this person that I have a crush on.”

“Really?”   
“I see them in the halls like every day. I’ve known them since like, second grade. Usually, you have this mindset about them like, ‘You’re just friends, and that’s nice’.” He puts the last part in a high pitched voice. 

“But then, something just changes. And they go from ‘Hey! There is no way I’d like this person’ to ‘Oh wow, you are an attractive person I like’.” He rambles on. 

“ _ He’s totally into you!”  _ the SQUIP supports.

“ _ How do you know he’s talking about me?”  _ I ask while smiling as Jeremy continues about his crush.

“ _ Well, I’ve been activating your pheromones.”  _ The SQUIP informs.

“Jesus, why am I telling this to you?”

“Because I’m your best friend?”. Jeremy chuckles.

“Well, Michael is it worth it?”

“Hell, yeah!” I blurt out. The SQUIP facepalms.

“I mean,” I clear my throat, “Go for it dude bro.”.

“Well, her name is,” Jeremy trails off.

“ _ Wait, fuck, ‘her’?” _

_ “Warning Warning Warning” _

“Christine Canigula.”. Just as he said those words, the aforementioned short Asian walks by in her colourful boots. She smiles at us.

“ _ ahHHHHHHH _ .” I screech.

“Really! You two would make a great couple!” I say, pain engulfing me on the inside

“ _ AHHHHHHHHHHHH” _

“Ask her out dude, I bet she’ll like you!”

_ “FUCK MY LIFE!”  _ Honestly, at this point, I was pretty much dead on the inside.

“Thanks, dude, you’re a great friend.” He says, patting me lightly on the back.

“ _ Michael, Michael. Calm down. ‘I need to go to class early, I forgot an assignment’”  _ the SQUIP says, covering her ears.

“I n-need to go to class early, I forgot an assignment.” I stutter out, walking towards the school building.

“Okay, dude! Bye!” He waves and looks forwards and runs after Christine.

“ _ Okay, I can work with this.” _

_ “Well, I can’t”  _ I shove my hands deeper in my pockets, I push open the school doors and walk down the hallway.

_ “Turn left.”,  _ I turn right instead, pissed off at the outcome of the previous events. The SQUIP shocks me.

_ “Ow!” _

_ “Turn back, then walk straight ahead.”  _ the SQUIP commands. This time I obey. I follow her direction and see Rich, talking to one of the members of the football team.

“ _ ‘Rich we need to...talk’”  _ The SQUIP says, pointing to the door of a classroom nearby

“Rich we need to talk.” I let out, boredom slowly seeping in. Another shock forces me to stand up straighter. I walk into the classroom and sit on the desk.

“ _ Get your hands out of your pockets.”  _ the SQUIP demands melodically. Rich enters the room and I put my arms to my sides.

“So, you wanted to talk?” Rich asks, slinking into the seat the desk I was sitting on belonged to.

“ _ ‘So, I heard that Jake was throwing a Halloween party.’ unzip your sweater a bit” _

_ “Doesn’t that seem...suggestive?” _

_ “That’s the point.” _

“So, I heard that Jake was throwing a Halloween party”

_ “‘Just know I’ll be there’, slide onto his lap and unzip your sweater completely” _

_ “There is now way in hell I am going to-”   _ A shock. I roll my eyes on the inside and slide off the desk and onto Rich’s lap. I hold his face in my hands and pull it close. 

“Just know I’ll be there,” I whisper, pulling my zipper down. I get up and walk out the room.

“ _ You better do good on my English essay.” _ The SQUIP groans,

“ _ Can’t it be math or-” _

_ “No, you force me to do that, I’m forcing you to do this.”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was truly awful and accidentally too long. It was literally 3 pages in docs. gr8


	4. The SQUIP is More of a Mom Than I Intended Her To Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I wasn’t even gonna do it! Anyways, I was just looking for,” I pause, looking into the drawer for an excuse, “Pads?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Attempted Self-Harm

I stand in front of the mirror placed in the bathroom of my house. It has officially been 15 hours since Jeremy Heere had told me that he likes Christine Canigula. Well, 15 hours, 45 minutes, and 23 seconds. Yes, I had been counting. That means that for about 15 hours I have been hating myself more than usual. The SQUIP shut off after school was done and I dropped Jeremy off at his house. So, in those 15 hours, I have been berating myself in every way I possibly had the ability to. About 30 minutes ago, I found myself telling myself,

“You eat spaghetti like a fucking bitch,”. Yes, my brain is quite an exquisite thing that exists, isn’t it? Okay, to be completely honest, it had been a good week since I had last self-harmed. Now, my self-esteem was lower than it’s ever been and there was no one and nothing to stop him. Usually, I’d be motivated by the fact that, “Hey! Jeremy hasn’t told you that he likes anyone, you have a .02% of a chance. I start to open the small drawer only to retrieve a shock.

“Ow!”, I wince wildly, “What the hell?” I mutter.

“ _Now Michael, what did we say on self-harm?”_ The SQUIP’s voice tunes in.

“ _Wait, you come while I’m emotionally suffering but, you don’t when-_ ” I stop myself.

“ _I wasn’t even gonna do it! Anyways, I was just looking for_ ,” I pause, looking into the drawer for an excuse, “ _Pads?_ ”

“ _Michael, you are a male, why would you need to retrieve a menstrual product?_ ” the SQUIP asks. I sigh, shutting the drawers.

“ _Okay, let’s devise a plan! I will tally anytime think of self-harming, suicide, or berate yourself and that’s how many push ups you do! If you’re as much of a pushover as I can see you are, you’ll be fit in no time!_ ” the SQUIP explains. A knock at the door. I turn on the faucet and splash water on my face, I mean what the fuck was I supposed to do at 10 o’clock.

“Son?”. Oh great, the one man I _always_ look up to seeing.

“Yes, Dad?” I return.

“Well, Mom and I are home, goodnight son.”

“Night.”. Another stellar conversation for the scrapbooks.

“ _That was your parental unit?”_

_“Yep, that was my dad.”_

_“Okay, we’re gonna have you socialize more, that’s for sure.”_ The SQUIP states, pacing around. _`_

 _“Wait, when did you get those glasses? You’re a supercomputer, why do you need glasses?”_ The SQUIP shushes me.

“ _You have a big, big day tomorrow. You will need some sleep.”_ The SQUIP rushes me out of the room.

_~In The Morning~_

“Michael, I made a big mistake,” Jeremy confesses, fiddling with his hands.

“ _You’re actually in love with me and not Christine?”_

“What is it, dude?” I ask, turning to him.

“I joined the school play to impress Christine.” He lets stumble out.

“ _Level of suffering, from 5 to 12”_ My brain chimes.

“Dude, what?”

“I don’t know, it was just that yesterday, she signed up for the play so I just signed my name under hers.” He says, a dreamy look on his face.

“How many people called you gay?” I ask.

“Only Rich but, everyone _but_ Christine laughed. So, I’m satisfied.” He lets out. We get to the glass doors of the school and I stop.

“ _Are you ready, Michael?”_ the SQUIP asks.

“ _I’m already suffering, why not?”_ I return.

“Michael come on!” Jeremy shouts from a couple feet away. I nod and follow along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this was so bad, it's 2 am. Sorry, this was short too.


	5. Christiiiiiiine (Alternativly: A user said to make Jeremy suffer so I will)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn’t usual for a loser to be moved across the lunchroom like in a goddamn Disney high school movie to the cool kids’ table. So, for example, a loser like me who’s way to celebrate is to get high in a basement with one other person to take that iconic walk is well, iconic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in 3rd person because it follows Jeremy around rather than Michael. Plus THANK YOU FOR OVER 1000 HITS AND 100 KUDOS. I'm in tears to know the fact that people could enjoy my extremely bad writing.

t wasn’t usual for a loser to be moved across the lunchroom like in a goddamn Disney high school movie to the cool kids’ table. So, for example, a loser like me who’s way to celebrate is to get high in a basement with one other person to take that iconic walk is well, iconic. See, at the beginning of this SQUIP trip, Michael didn’t want to be popular or smart or hell, commit murder (Because you can do that with a SQUIP. Since, SQUIP’s jobs are to help their host successfully accomplish their goals), he just wanted Jeremy, Now, it had become much, much more. Right now, Michael was being called over to the quote end quote, “Popular Kid’s Table” due to Richard Goranski calling him over. Jeremy had to assess what was going on. Okay, Michael had been acting..strange since the whole debacle at the mall. It wasn’t necessarily a bad strange. It was just, Michael didn’t seem like Michael? It was confusing. Michael had stopped listening to his usual mix of old music and reggae. He started listening to Pop and Alternative, (Even though Michael said that “Pop was only created to brainwash people! I swear!”) it was freaky. Not only that but, Michael had a sudden interest in Rich. Jeremy was his best friend, he could guess when his friend had a crush (I’m looking at you Joseph Mendes in 5th grade), this seemed staged.

“Should I go?” Michael asked sheepishly, clutching the straps of his bookbag. Jeremy could tell him to stay but, this was Rich Goranski, Jake Dillinger, Chloe Valentine, Brooke Lohst, and Jenna Rolan (Who wasn’t even sitting at the table, she was literally on a chair on the outskirts of the group). 

“Dude, you have to do it! For loser kind!” Jeremy insists, playfully punching Michael’s shoulder. 

“O-okay, I’ll see you, right?” Michael asks, slowly walking away. Jeremy nods his head and swiftly turns around. He does a mild jog to the auditorium. 

_ “Who even is Michael anymore? Or am I just being a shitty friend”  _ Thousands of questions were running through Jeremy’s head but, for now, he had to ignore them. He was going to meet Christine. Heavenly angel, sweetly dorky Christine. Jeremy knew that Christine liked to spend her lunches in the auditorium, practicing her lines. Was that creepy? Yeah, probably. 

“ _ He’s ‘popular’ I guess. I mean, he just got invited to sit with the ‘popular’ kids.”  _ Jeremy reasons. 

“ _ This is so fucked, he doesn’t even want to cool.” _ Jeremy stops for about a second. “ _ Okay, I am a shitty friend.”  _ He opens the doors to the auditorium and there Christine is, sitting on the edge of the stage, reviewing her the script. She mutters her lines as she eats an apple. 

“H-hey Christine!” Jeremy stutters out. After realizing he’s just standing still, he makes his way towards the stage. “So, what are you doing.” He asks, trying to spark up a conversation.

“ _ You can see what’s she’s doing, dumbass.” _

“I’m just going over some lines.” She explains, taking a bite out of her apple. 

“Oh,” I respond, climbing onto the stage. Once Jeremy is next to her, she closes and puts down her script. 

“Can I get something off of my chest?” She asks, turning to face me. 

“Y-yeah! Go for it!” Jeremy answers.

“Okay, okay. So there is this guy, I see him every day now. I’ve never really thought of him in this type of way.” She explains, 

“ _ Oh fuck, she’s talking about you!” _

“I thought I really had him pegged by this persona he has. But, I feel like I’ve changed or he’s changed?” She explains.

“Just-Jeremy is he worth it?” She asks. Jeremy somehow keeps himself from nodding madly. 

“Absolutely!” He responds, a wide grin on the face. 

“That settles it! I’m asking out Jake at play rehearsal! Thanks, Jeremy!” She shouts, pulling him into a hug.

“ _ Love is dead. What type of person does that! Just reels a person in like that.”  _ Jeremy sighs on the inside. All the anxiety that was stuck in his throat wraps around his heart. Why can’t one person like him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that was worse than the other chapters, I literally am having a sexuality crisis and ignoring it by writing. whooooops


	6. Upgrade...by being shit at video games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One whole, thicc, solid hour. From 2:45 to 3:56 Jeremy had been talking about Christine. Both the author and I realized that this was a recurring theme but, was it going to end? Not at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writers block?? I never heard of her??   
> Lmao, sorry for not updating in a good while. Life and stuff has been weird lately. I promise there WILL be a chapter next week.

One whole, thicc, solid hour. From 2:45 to 3:56 Jeremy had been talking about Christine. Both the author and I realized that this was a recurring theme but, was it going to end? Not at all.

“She just lead me on! For, like, a solid 30 minutes I thought that she actually liked me!” Jeremy complained, sinking deeper into the beanbag chair. 

“Oh Jeremy. Poor innocent and fucking stupid Jeremy.” My brain rings.

“I didn’t know somebody could do something like that!” He sunk so deep into the chair, he was practically laying on the floor. I somehow refraining from bursting out in mad giggles. Of course, from a friend’s point of view, I would seem like the biggest dick in the world. Yet, from the point of view of someone pining after their friend, this was fucking hilarious. But, of course, I still felt bad for Jeremy, seeing as I was standing in his shoes only a couple days ago.

“Game Over!” A low voice grumbled from the T.V as a blood splatter-y font displayed the words. It makes sense, the entire time my fingers were just flailing over the buttons, not remembering which were where.

“Dude, you're playing like shit.” Jeremy sighs, putting his controller on the ground.

“I-I know, I don't know...why?” I trail off on the last word.

“ _Did you do this?_ ” Michael made sure not to turn his attention to hologram-ish figure appearing in the corner.

“ _Did I do what, Michael?_ ” The SQUIP asks innocently, batting her eyelashes for effect.

“ _Me and Jeremy have been playing Apocalypse of The Damned since freshman year, I’m playing like it's my first time_.” My voice sounds pissed off and he's not even talking out loud.

“ _Have you ever thought that maybe you were just bad?_ ”

_“Bitch,”_

_“I'm a computer, I have no personality, I can't be a-whatever. I did a minor reset on your muscle memory.”_

_“That’s possible?_ ”

“ _Very. If you would rather go the popular route_ ,” The SQUIP doesn't continue, just stares at me.

“ _No_.”  
 _“If you were to go the popular route, you could have the opinion to optic nerve block Jeremy, blocking him from your field of vision_.”

“ _Can you just reinstall my muscle memory or something_.”

“ _See, that's not how it works. To get back to your level, you’ll have to redo everything you’ve learned_.”

“Michael? Michael? Michael!” Jeremy yelled, waving his hand in front of my face.

“Jeremy?” I asks, shaking my head like I could the shake the SQUIP out of my mind.

“You shot at the wall for a minute then got bitten, dude, are you alright?”

“I-it's-”

“It's just that school has turned my brain into mush. Like, talking to Chloe lowered my I.Q more than I thought.” THE SQUIP replied, sitting (well, more or less hovering) on a small couch in the corner. I repeat her and Jeremy’s face softens then a smile breaks out on his face.

“How was that anyway? Sitting with the popular kids for lunch.” Jeremy asks. I fill him in on all the details that my SQUIP will allow me tell. Jeremy feels his back pocket,

“Shit, I think I left my phone in your car,” He mutters.

“I left my keys on the counter, I need to take care of something.” I smile, getting up with him.

“What are you, a mobster?” Jeremy jokes, going up the stairs and leaving the basement. I turn to look at the SQUIP.

“ _Why?_ ”  
“ _What?_ ”

“ _The whole muscle memory thing, why?_ ”

“ _It was the easiest route for you and Jeremy to start communicating more often. Since Christine and Jake Dillinger are currently dating, and it is perhaps going to end in one to three weeks, you have to make sure you have Jeremy before Christine gets to him._ ” The SQUIP explains, adjusting her glasses.

“ _You talk about Jeremy like he's a goddamn object_.” I intersect.

_“Michael, you have to understand. This is the one way he will like you. Hell, everyone will like you. Are you willing to sacrifice this small minuscule thing for everything you've ever hoped for? Are you willing to take the upgrade_?” With the SQUIP’s words, I can practically hear everyone’s voice saying “take it”.

_“I’ll do it.”_

 


	7. HALLOWEEN PARTYIN' HARD TONIGHT (aka. the only place where I can add in an $8 cat suit)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the longer ones. I think it was like 3 pages in Google Docs, I'm v proud. Legends say that if you look closely, you can see my sanity slowly deteriorating and my anger at the BMC plot growing .

No. Fuck no. Fuck this. The SQUIP could shock me five million times before I ever put this fucking costume on and make me go outside with it.

“ _Michael, you have to do it.”_ The SQUIP growled, pinching the bridge of her nose in the corner of Michael’s room.

“ _ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! LOOK AT THIS!”_ I screech (inside my brain no less), pointing to the costume. A black, long sleeve shirt, short shorts, cat ears, and a cat tail.

“I know that Jeremy is a fucking furry but, come on. Jeremy’s not even gonna be at the party. It’s probably just gonna be me hotboxing the bathroom” I groan, out loud.

“ _You've had me for about a month and you still don't completely talk to me in your head? Anyways, it's-”_

_“Imperative to wear this outfit’ I know, I know. But, you can practically see the outline of my dick in this.”_

_“Just pretend you don't know. Just trust me. I don't even know why ask you sometimes, you are aware I can control your body movements completely, right?”_

_“You guys need to come with a manual or some shit.”_

_“Change.”_

_“Fine, fine. Okay, Jesus Christ.”_

Before I knew it, I was at Jake Dillinger front door in the tightest and shortest outfit ever to grace my body. I take a deep breath and knock at the front door. A couple of seconds pass by and nobody. I mean, judging by the stereo-breaking music blasting so loud you could hear from a couple miles away, people were in the house. I knock again. Yet again, nobody answers. I hear the SQUIP sighs.

“ _Well, dumbass. Do you suppose the host or people attending will hear you over the music?”_

“ _You know, robots aren’t supposed to have actual emotion so, who the fuck programmed you to be so fucking snarky._ ” I snap back shifting my weight to my other foot.

“Just go in, the front door is unlocked.’” The SQUIP sighs. I turn the knob and push open the door and it’s like I’m transported to another world. Like, I can _feel_ the teenagers fucking upstairs. The person my eyes land on is Jeremy just kind of awkwardly standing there...Wait, Jeremy? He wasn’t invited to this party. Well, I wasn’t the one complaining to be sure. He was wearing a morphsuit, one piece thing thing that was really weird. Like the most off brand cyborg possible.

“Jeremy? I didn’t know you were invited!” Michael shouts as he moves towards Jeremy, leaving the front door open.

“Oh, Michael! Hey, actually Christine…invited me...here...” his voice trailed off as he stared at my “costume”. I stole the shirt and shorts from a box of old shit my mom used to own and the ears and tail were from the Dollar General. I resisted the urge to make a “heere” joke.Then, his eyes started roaming south.

“Hey! My eyes are up here!” I laughed out, Jeremy blushed and look away. I could practically see the SQUIP’s condescending smirk.

“I-uh-yeah. What are you wearing?” He stuttered out.

“What? You don’t like it?” I asks, giving him a twirl. By the the time I’m facing him again, his blush grew wider and his eyes a widened even more. He must’ve seen the tail. Christine is heads up to Jeremy, two red solo cups in tote.

“Oh, hi Michael! Nice costume.” She laughs, kind heartedly. Goddamnit, she is so nice, she could be married to Jeremy and I still wouldn’t have any negative feeling towards her. The permanent ungodly screeching in my head has gone from a 2 to about a 5.

“Thanks! I really like your too. You actually put thought into it.” She smiles in response, handing Jeremy a cup.

“Oh crap, Michael, do you want me to get one for you?” She asks looking between her and me. Shit, change that to a 6.

“No, it’s fine, I-”

“Michael! Can we talk for a second!” Rich says from the staircase before disappearing again.

“I was just gonna leave. Nice meeting you Christine and see you Jeremy!” I laugh before leaving towards the stairs.

“ _Now, this is where the real fun begins.”_ The SQUIP says,

 _“What the fuck?”._ I look in each room and one closet (which is where I saw the shit of nightmares) before, figuring out which one Rich was in. He was just sitting on the bed sans his costume. So, just black jeans and a green shirt.

“Um, Rich? Why’d you call me here?” I asked, cautiously walking in, closing the door.

“Don’t you just wanna talk or something? Just for a bit.” Rich sighs, toying with his hands

_“Holy shit, this is the day that Rich snapped, I fucking knew it, he’s gonna kill me omigod wowowowowowow-”_

“What?”

“It’s just you and me, dude. Let’s talk about our feelings and shit.” Rich laughs, patting beside him on the bed. Okay, so Rich Goranski is either stoned, hammered, or wants to fucking have sex with me. Right when I move forwards and sit, he kisses me. I want to push him away or say anything but, I can’t move. Not out of fear or shock, I literally can’t move.

“ _You’re welcome.”_ The SQUIP says and I can hear her shit-eating grin more than ever now.

“Don’t be so fuckin’ shy.” He purrs into my ear.

Cool, cool. Yes, I am perfectly fine in the situation

WHAT THE ACTUAL LIVING FUCK IS GOING ON!?

I start one day as a guy who has a crush on his straight best friend and now I’m almost having sex, that I don’t want mind that, with Richard Goranski. The guy who’s bullied me since freshman year. He doesn’t stop sucking my fucking neck until there is a couple “bang”s at the door.

“YOU BETTER NOT BE HAVING SEX IN MY PARENT’S BEDROOM! I WILL RIP YOUR BALLS OFF!” Jake fucking Dillinger yells.

“GREAT! SO YOU CAN BOTH BE BALL-LESS!” Rich yells back.

Hmmm, yes. All good things, a good things. NOW I’M STUCK IN A FUCKING LOVE TRIANGLE BETWEEN THE TWO MOST POPULAR MALES IN SCHOOL!

“wE ARE NOT HAVING SEX!” I yell back, I don’t know how but, I’m freed from the SQUIP’s grip, and get off of the bed. Just then, Rich starts making sex noises because that’s what this situation needed. So, the banging stops and soon enough Rich stops. I can finally take a breath.

AND THEN JAKE REMEMBERS HOW FUCKING DOORS WORK AND SLAMS OPEN THE DOOR. Am I the only person with his head on straight (even though nothing is straight out this situation ;))? Or am I hallucinating on drugs I never took and I’m the fucking insane one? Why the fuck is this happening to me? MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE I TOOK A RANDOM ASS FUCKING PILL FROM JAPAN THAT I BOUGHT IN THE BACK FROM A PAYLESS SHOE STORE FROM A GUY WHO LOOKS A BIT TOO MUCH LIKE MY DRAMA TEACHER.

I shriek and run the fuck away and run into the nearest room downstairs, I lock and close the door behind me.

“Michael?” Jeremy asks, getting up from his seat on the closed toilet. My heartbeat is still 100 miles per hour and any small sound can scare me so, I shriek again, throwing myself against the door

“Woah there bud, calm down. What happened?” Jeremy asks, going near me as if I was a wild animal, slowly and cautiously, as if anything could set me off.

“It’s-I just- well, it’s a long story,” I stutter out.

“ _Stuttering has been a recent problem of yours. I-”_

_“Oh shut the fuck up, you expensive floppy disc.”_

“Dude, I got all day.” Jeremy says.

“It’s nothing actually,” I say, realizing I can’t explain what could’ve caused the situation without mentioning the SQUIP.

“You’ve been saying that a lot recently. I thought we were best friends, you shouldn’t have to keep shit away from me.” Jeremy sighs, his entire attitude just...dropping. I feel guilt rise in my stomach.

“I know and you are my best friend. I just can’t tell you.” I try to explain the best I can but, I know it’s not working.

“You still haven’t told me about your freak out at the mall. That really fucking scared me-”

“It’s called a SQUIP.” I interrupt. What the fuck am I doing?

“What?”

“It’s from Japan, it’s a gray pill. There’s a computer in it, quantum nanotechnology cpu. You swallow it and it goes up your bloodstream and it tell you what to do.” I explain and holy shit did I remember those words. Jeremy stares at me, long and hard. He face twist into one of hurt and anger.

“You don’t have to fucking lie, Michael.” Jeremy hisses out, moving towards the door. I block it, and we’re stuck in this standoff position, staring at each other.

“I-I’m not lying. I swear. How do you think I can talk to fucking Chloe Valentine without getting laughed at?”

“It doesn’t matter who you hang with. You’re still gonna be a huge fucking  **_loser_ ** .” Jeremy spits out. My arms go numb, my entire body goes numb. I sway to the right the let him past.

I’ve heard that word before. I’ve called myself that before. I’ve _him_ that before So. why did it strike me in the heart to hear him use it now? Before I know it I’m sitting in the bathtub, rethinking my life, friendship, and the SQUIP. I get up and look around, I was not going through that front door.

So, yes I, Michael Salazar Mell, climbed out of a window and ran into my cherry red PT cruiser and cried my way home. 


	8. PLEASE READ *NOT A CHAPTER*

HENLO, IT IS I, MAMA TIN! Sorry for no chapter for like????? 2 months??? 3 months???? I am such a shitty author. The thing is, this chapter is gonna take a while. Mostly because I need to get myself together after having such a shitty past 2 weeks. A lot of really bad family stuff is happening behind the scenes and I just need a break for a bit. BUTTTT! When I come back,  _ all _ of my currently running series are going to be back with long updates and maybe one or two DEH one shots and  (maybe) a continuation of a DEH fic I’ve already posted. Sorry If I disappointed you (Insert “I do that a lot” here) or anything. Don’t worry! I should be back and good in a week or two. Thank you for taking the time to read this little blurb.


	9. idk

When you say that you’ll be back in two weeks but its been two or three months and your still struggling. Sorry you guys that I’ve been gone for so long but, I’ve kinda lost my will??? Like I still wanna write, I just feel like my stories that I have to continue are just a bit flat????? Idk, I suck I know but, if you want me to start on a new slate and do the things I want to do, I will but, if you want me to continue, I will. Thanks for all the support you guys give me, thank you so, so much. I still can’t fathom that people like what I put other there so, thank you ~Mama Tin

**Author's Note:**

> rip, gg, no game no life. That was a scattered mess, I am sorry.


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